Thankful

While it's cliche, I wanted to put out there into the blogesphere the things for which I am thankful:

1. My health, the health of my children and of my husband. Sinusitis notwithstanding, it's been a good year.

2. That I had 44 years with my mom. She was far from perfect, but loved me and provided for me the best way she could. She always put her children out front, and died having the good fortune to know that she raised 5 really good people. And dozens of really good dogs.

3. For the really cool things we've done as a family this year. Mexico, Italy, Croatia and San Francisco's pins were added to our family map this year. And it was great fun. Mostly. :)

4. My home - I adore the house we live in. While I would change some things, it is ours... it is where both of my babies came home from the hospital, where Jeff and I realized we were the grow-ups (complete with mortgage) and where we have lived, loved, cried and laughed for 14 years. While those 14 years are only a fraction of this house's life, it makes me feel warm to know that, for now, we are her keepers. And dammit, she's going to wear Pottery Barn colors.

5. My Peter - he is a bright light in my life. Silly, smart, willing to do anything to bring a smile to his parents' faces... his incessant questions about life, science, numbers and everything. Peter, I know you will change the world some day with your mind.

6. My Tenley - since the moment she was born, Tenley and I have had a very special connection. She will change the world with her creativity and style. Tenley is smart, snarky (in a funny, good way!) and sophisticated. Some day, Tenley, the others will catch up to your savoir faire and sophistication. Then again, they may not. And that's okay. I want to see my favorite places again for the first time through your eyes. Italy was amazing - mostly because you were blown away by it all.

7. My Jeff - how the hell did I get so lucky? I'm so glad you found me. Without you, none of this would mean anything. With you, it means everything. Together, we make a great team - but I secretly know the truth - it's all you. I'm just along for the ride. You're the smart one, the one who makes things happen. I love you.

8. The dog. Yeah, okay, so I'm not so thankful for her NOT REMEMBERING TO STAY OFF THE COUCH! but she brings a lot to the table in the way of insight. I'm just sayin'.

9. My job - I was very lucky to have figured out what I wanted to do for the rest of my life in my early 20's. My job allows me to see the world, work out my anal retentive tendencies and affords my family all kinds of perks.

10. The final thing I am thankful for (well, at least for the purposes of this list!) is you. The person who is reading this blog*. Likely, you are my friend or family member - I don't get a lot of walk-in traffic here. The past week has been unbelievably hard, and each and every one of my friends have reached out to me in a different, important way. Thank you all.

* If you're whomever keeps spamming me comments with Brazilian porn, I'm not thankful for you.

How Mella's getting her groove back

About three weeks ago, I made the decision to quit taking anti-depressants. I've been on them off and on since after the birth of my oldest. Yeah, Clinton was in the White House (Don't judge!).

Following good advice fom my doctor, I decided to step down from a pretty healthy dosage to a smaller one, then a smaller to my last pill on Monday morning, November 17. The morning my mother died. Nice, huh? Thanks for that one, oh chemical gods....

I have an emergency stash of atta-girl (my bff name for Ativan), but so far, I'm doing okay. My mom's death has been the absolute hardest thing I have ever experienced - but somehow, I need to FEEL it. Somehow, it's natural (perhaps the most natural thing, you may argue...). But feeling it somehow feels right.

Since departing the Happy Pill station empty handed, and moving forward in this life as an orphan, seeing things happening in the world that are really, really troubling (who did Coco Crisp piss off to get traded to KC?) ... I'm feeling like a new person. A good person. One whos selective seratonin may not need to be inhibited from uptake. One who wants to feel things via a central line into my heart. Because while life is painful, joyful, borning and sometimes just plain messy.... I want to feel it all.

All Things

Sunrise doesnt last all morning
A cloudburst doesnt last all day
Seems my love is up and has left you with no warning
Its not always going to be this grey
All things must pass
All things must pass away
Sunset doesnt last all evening
A mind can blow those clouds away
After all this, my love is up and must be leaving
Its not always going to be this grey
All things must pass
All things must pass away
All things must pass
None of lifes strings can last
So, I must be on my way
And face another day
Now the darkness only stays the night-timeI
n the morning it will fade away
Daylight is good at arriving at the right time
Its not always going to be this grey
All things must pass
All things must pass away
All things must pass
All things must pass away

What have you done?

I read this on a friend's blog, and was surprised to see how many of these things I have done (bolded). I have had a good life, so far! :) Thanks, Rachel, for making me stop and realized how blessed I am. Please copy and past this into your blog - I want to see what you have done!

1. Started your own blog
2. Slept under the stars
3. Played in a band
4. Visited Hawaii
5. Watched a meteor shower
6. Given more than you can afford to charity
7. Been to Disneyland
8. Climbed a mountain
9. Held a praying mantis
10. Sang a solo
11. Bungee jumped
12. Visited Paris
13. Watched a lightning storm at sea
14. Taught yourself an art from scratch (would cooking count?)
15. Adopted a child
16. Had food poisoning
17. Walked to the top of the Statue of Liberty
18. Grown your own vegetables
19. Seen the Mona Lisa in France
20. Slept on an overnight train
21. Had a pillow fight
22. Hitch hiked
23. Taken a sick day when you’re not ill
24. Built a snow fort
25. Held a lamb
26. Gone skinny dipping
27. Ran a Marathon
28. Ridden in a gondola in Venice
29. Seen a total eclipse
30. Watched a sunrise or sunset
31. Hit a home run
32. Been on a cruise
33. Seen Niagara Falls in person
34. Visited the birthplace of your ancestors
35. Seen an Amish community
36. Taught yourself a new language
37. Had enough money to be truly satisfied
38. Seen the Leaning Tower of Pisa in person
39. Gone rock climbing
40. Seen Michelangelo’s David
41. Sung karaoke
42. Seen Old Faithful geyser erupt
43. Bought a stranger a meal at a restaurant
44. Visited Africa
45. Walked on a beach by moonlight
46. Been transported in an ambulance
47. Had your portrait painted
48. Gone deep sea fishing
49. Seen the Sistine Chapel in person
50. Been to the top of the Eiffel Tower in Paris
51. Gone scuba diving or snorkeling
52. Kissed in the rain
53. Played in the mud
54. Gone to a drive-in theater
55. Been in a movie
56. Visited the Great Wall of China
57. Started a business
58. Taken a martial arts class
59. Visited Russia
60. Served at a soup kitchen
61. Sold Girl Scout Cookies
62. Gone whale watching
63. Got flowers for no reason
64. Donated blood, platelets or plasma
65. Gone sky diving
66. Visited a Nazi Concentration Camp
67. Bounced a check
68. Flown in a helicopter
69. Saved a favorite childhood toy
70. Visited the Lincoln Memorial
71. Eaten Caviar
72. Pieced a quilt
73. Stood in Times Square
74. Toured the Everglades
75. Been fired from a job
76. Seen the Changing of the Guards in London
77. Broken a bone
78. Been on a speeding motorcycle
79. Seen the Grand Canyon in person
80. Published a book
81. Visited the Vatican
82. Bought a brand new car
83. Walked in Jerusalem
84. Had your picture in the newspaper
85. Read the entire Bible
86. Visited the White House
87. Killed and prepared an animal for eating (fish count, right?)
88. Had chickenpox
89. Saved someone’s life
90. Sat on a jury
91. Met someone famous
92. Joined a book club
93. Lost a loved one
94. Had a baby
95. Seen the Alamo in person
96. Swam in the Great Salt Lake
97. Been involved in a law suit
98. Owned a cell phone
99. Been stung by a bee

Stuff I'm thinking about.....

• I wish my dad were alive to see this day.
• My 6-year-old son didn't understand why it was such a big deal that we elected an African-American president. He sees no difference between the various colors of people's skin. He and his sister will grow up in a world where a black man is president and the Red Sox have won two World Series'. I'm so glad for that.
• I will miss Tina Fey as Sarah Palin. But not Sarah Palin.
• I wish I still lived in the DC area. I'd like to go to the innaguration.
• Would things have turned out differently if we had seen more of the John McCain we saw in the concession speech last night during the campaign?
• I'm not bitter any more, Jo-Ann. Are you? :)

One Day More!

So here we are. November 3. 11th Hour. As someone who seriously enjoys politics, and typically can't get enough of this stuff, even I'm done.

I did go digging around this morning about something that had piqued my curiosity. I heard that in Alaska, each citizen (man, woman and child) gets a stipend every year from the oil companies. This money, paid via taxes and tariffs of the companies that remove natural resources from the ground in Alaska (i.e., oil) is distributed via the Alaska State Government. There is no State income tax there, nor is there a state sales tax. It's is believed here that Alaskans own the natural resources of Alaska.

I think this is a great idea! No, I'm not being sarcastic. I seriously think that this REDISTRIBUTION OF WEALTH, that comes from the COLLECTIVE RESOURCE POOL of the citizen's resources is, frankly, a beautiful thing.

But let's call it what it is: Socialism. Redistribution of wealth.

Apparently, Alaska's governor agrees with me. Read the whole article, but savor the last paragraph: New Yorker Magazine: Like, Socialism.

Whatever you do tomorrow, please vote. If you don't, you will have no right to complain about what happens after tomorrow.